It was called the "Prepared Childbirth Class" but it left me shaken and unprepared. I had previously decided that I would attempt to go through labor "naturally" (no drugs) because I thought it would be better for me and the baby, give me more mobility and make the contrast between intense pain and intense relief more enjoyable.
Then Ben pinched the back of my arm to help me imagine contraction pain for our breathing exercises (hee hee hooo). My initial and spontaneous reaction was to pinch him back anywhere I could. It hurt like CRAZY. I started tearing up because it hurt so bad. Then I thought--"if I can't handle a pinch on the back of my arm, then there is no way in heaven that I will be able to handle a real contraction, not to mention the other 'adjustments' my body has to make". Then I cried some more, in disappointment that I wasn't as tough as I thought I was.
Then people started looking over at me as I was brushing tears away and I cried even more because I was embarrased to be crying in a room full of people sitting in a circle on the floor. Then we started our breathing exercises again, and I gained control and looked at Ben's face and started crying again because I was freaking him out. Then I kept crying for no reason at all. For a good 15 minutes, I was crying.
Then I was under control.
After our breathing exercises, girl came up to me and told me that she was glad that she wasn't the only one who was crying in class (she was crying during the video too, but only because it was so miraculous to watch. . . I was crying because it looked so gross and inhuman) and I started crying again. I had to get away from this. People looked at me across the room with sympathetic eyes and I welled up and walked out of the room.
After a short walk in the rain, some cold water on my face, a salad and a nice conversation with my mom, I am finally back to normal.
As normal as a hormonal, 6-month pregnant unbalanced woman can be.
No comments:
Post a Comment