Impatience

I have nothing in my immediate memory that competes with this week in terms of difficulty.

I have never been so impatient about anything before--I have been impatient before, but my life carried on and the anticipated event came and went soon enough. But not this. My life has stopped in anticipation of this event. I have turned over all of my work projects. I have been replaced in my church calling (temporarily), I have cleaned my house, I have no unfinished business.

So I spend my days either sitting in front of my computer at work, looking busy-ish, or walking around Sam's Club trying to stir up contractions, or taking a nap on the couch because the walk was taxing on my uncomfortably large body. Just waiting. All the time, wondering if this is really it. . . am I going to wake up in the middle of the night with contractions--or, even better, soaked in amniotic fluid (no, don't worry, that's not gross. Its exciting). Then I wake up every morning feeling fine and dreading another day in front of the computer.

I anticipated Christmas as a child, and my birthday, and summer vacation. I was impatient to leave for Taiwan, Russia and my mission (and even more impatient to return home). I was anxious to get married, to graduate, to get a good job. . . but life at least went on.

I just want to meet the kid and have my body back.